I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
So much Jack, so little girl.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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