That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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