i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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