Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
