The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
