We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
