chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
