So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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