i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
