went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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