this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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