I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
FUCK WHALES
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