i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
