yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
being pregnant is like rehab
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
