your room smells of hookers.
And success
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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