It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
