Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
