Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
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