Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
