Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
