Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
