just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
