drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
