btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
