She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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