New low: just hacked my moms facebook
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
