He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
