I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
