It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
