Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
