i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
