Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
i just sent this text using only my big toe
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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