He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
