I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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