Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
