She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
