what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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