alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
