Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
