During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
A+ Viking dick
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
