Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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