WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize