i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
