Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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