i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
