mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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