she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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