barbara walters just said penis...
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Randomize
