her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize