what if every blade of grass was a penis?
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
