Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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