You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
