Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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