Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
