its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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