I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
