Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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