Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
