I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
