I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
You have to summon your inner elephant
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Randomize
