Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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