Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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