dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
