well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
