You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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