for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
