The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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